I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
