True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
