She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
