what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
