I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
