doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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