we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
