I will die if light touches me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
