Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
