so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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