tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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