so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
