I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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