I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
