I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
