so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
