one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
