dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
