2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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