Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
