I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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