Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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