literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
