you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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