she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
