the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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