And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
