Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
