i love accidental penises.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
