just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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