I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How external is "for external use only"?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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