i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
