I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
