My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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