please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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