dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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