woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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