she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
