A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
