SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
