No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
