Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
