I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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