Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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