Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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