Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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