'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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