He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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