I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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