just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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