hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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