I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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