Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
