god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
