He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
