Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
