Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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