Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
