I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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