We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
