She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
