Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
