grandma shit on top of the toilet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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