I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm both gender and math confused
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
