I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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