you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
