i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
