Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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