Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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