Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
