Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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