Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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