Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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