Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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