I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
