Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
