He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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