Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
