Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
