: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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